I just ate my last pizza.

When I say “my last pizza”, I don’t mean a slice or two of pizza.  I mean the whole thing.  That’s right – I can eat an entire 11″ pizza by myself without blinking an eyelash.  Plus half a stick of garlic bread.  Not counting the large glass of Sprite I usually wash it all down with, that’s roughly 2,136 calories and 87.8 grams of fat, over half of which are saturated fat.  What’s even worse, I’ve been doing this 1-2 times per week since I got back from my trip to the USA in mid-December.  And all of this without a gall bladder.

In short: I have lost my damn mind.  I can’t blame this change in behaviour on my trip, as I ate pretty healthily over there aside from having too much soda.  This is the timeline of my thought process as I see it in hindsight:

  • Mid-December – “Ugh!  I’m so tired from all that flying!  Ehh, won’t hurt this one time.”
  • Late-December – “It’s Christmas – you have to ‘treat yo-self’ sometimes!  I’ll get back into it on Boxing Day.”
  • Boxing Day – “It’s still technically the holidays.  What will it hurt to wait until 1 January to get back into it?”
  • Week 1 January – “Well I’ve already screwed up this week, so I’ll just start on Sunday.”
  • Week 2 January – “Ehh…fuck it.”

All of this has made me realise that I’m really good at one thing when it comes to my health: Convincing myself why I can’t or shouldn’t do something positive for my body at any given moment in time.  I’m clearly a great marketer in more than just my professional life.  And the lazy side of my brain is a marketer’s dream.

The question remains, “How do I change this habit?”  How do I stop letting the part of my brain that wants to sell myself bad decisions shut off?  I don’t know the answer to that.  I mean – how many times have I proclaimed x-moment as the swan song of an unhealthy lifestyle?  I said those exact words in a post here back in July.  Positive things happened for a while, but then I ended up right back in the same place as I was before.

You know what really shits me off most?  I spent a lot of time in the USA watching a show called My 600-Pound Life.  I watched men and women self-destruct in much the same method as I’ve been doing to the point where surgery is literally the only chance they have.  And yet, I came home from that trip and have eaten worse than I ever have in my life.  I’ve been consuming probably 2-3 times what my caloric intake should be almost every day since I got back.  I watched people do the same damn thing to themselves and almost die from it, and yet I came home and started doing the exact same thing.  How the fuck does that happen?!

See?  I have, quite literally, lost my damn mind.

I ate a whole pizza by myself last night (hence the title of this blog).  I don’t know if it was because of how I felt physically this morning – extremely achy with a disgusting taste in my mouth – or if something has finally clicked in my mind, but I feel an overwhelming sense that enough is enough.  If I don’t change my life, I am literally going to die.  I will never have children, I will get large enough to subject my husband to a life of taking care of his morbidly obese wife, and I will die far before my time.

Will this feeling last?  Who the hell knows.  Will I succeed?  God, I hope so.  But I’ve said this how many times before and nothing has changed.  Maybe I can only take it one day at a time – make a conscious decision not to buy a great big serving of laziness that day and choose instead to make a good choice for my body.  It’s barely 2:30pm but I’ve already made a good start today by avoiding cow’s milk dairy and choosing water over soda.  Hubby and I are also going to take our weekend walk around a nearby park this evening.  Perhaps that has to be enough for now.

Week 1 lessons –

This has been an interesting week.  For the most part, I’ve done really well food wise.  As I mentioned before, I’ve decided to stop having cow’s milk and wheat wherever possible.  That has been surprisingly easy.  I’ve replaced tasty cheese (for the non-Australians amongst us, tasty cheese is like cheddar) with goat’s milk feta and drastically cut down on the amount I eat.  I switched out normal bread for gluten-free mixed grain bread which is surprisingly delicious.  I’ve also added loads of vegetables to my diet.  I know it sounds absolutely feral, but I used to go literally a week or two without having a single vegetable.  (How gross is that?!)  Now I’m eating them every day.

After doing this for most of the week, I did slip up twice and have things I shouldn’t have.  One night, I went to Maccas (McDonalds for the non-Aussies) one night.  I used to love that shit, but honestly I was less than impressed with it.  Sure, it tasted okay but I wasn’t doing my happy food sway when I ate it.  On Friday night, I ended up caving into my kryptonite: Pizza.

This is where it gets interesting.  From the first bite, I was like, “Ehh…so what?”  It was just your average local pizza shop pie – nothing spesh whatsoever.  Usually I would be in full happy food mode with that.  This time, I ate it simply because I had committed to it for dinner and I ate half as much as I usually would.  I just wasn’t feeling it.  That’s right, folks: Just one week of avoiding cow’s milk dairy and adding greens broke my bad pizza cravings.  Don’t get me wrong.  I still LOVE pizza!  But now, if I’m going to do it I’m going to do it right.

Some observations this week:

  1. When I caved and ate cow’s milk cheese and wheat-based bread, it felt like someone had beaten me with a frying pan.  I was SO physically exhausted most of the next day, and my lower back was screaming at me even after just a short walk.
  2. This is going to sound gross (and I apologise for that), but I’ve noticed that the general taste in my mouth has changed.  It’s hard to describe, but I’ve noticed it.
  3. I don’t know if this is a side-effect of Point 2 or what, but I’ve also noticed that my cravings have curbed way back.  I’m generally only hungry at normal meal times now, and I’m eating a fair bit less than I usually would.  This is (you should excuse the pun) huge for me.

As of this morning, I’m down 1.1kg (2.42lb).  On Friday morning, I was down 2.1kg but I made some bad choices since then (the pizza and I had some hot chips last night – so bad!) messed it up again.  Still, I’m really impressed with how much simply changing my diet has helped me.  I’m going to start adding exercise into the mix this week.

Hubby and I just got back from our weekly grocery run, and I’m pretty proud of how it went.  Usually five minutes into it, my back would be screaming at me.  Not today!  It didn’t start getting sore until we were at the car ready to leave.  I’m also REALLY proud of the food choices I made.  Hubby caved in and got himself a few bad things, but I did exceptionally well.  I got enough bananas and frozen fruits to make a month’s worth of breakfast smoothie packs.  Out of sheer curiosity, I worked out how much it costs me to do a month’s worth of breakfast smoothies when I got home tonight.  The grand total: $3.50 per smoothie.  Not at all bad!

There’s a bit more going on with me than the health stuff, but I’ll form my thoughts around that and post at some stage.  For now, it’s time to cook a nice dinner for my man.