DISCLAIMER: The following is my interpretation of the messages I received during this reading as they pertain to the question at hand. You ultimately have to decide whether this is correct for you and your particular situation.
The cards that appeared for your reading were the knight of cups, the 9 of pentacles and the 9 of swords reversed.
Carnelian represents openness, which is very apt for your reading because that’s just what you need right now.
Your cards tell me that you’ve been very good at being the strong one throughout this pandemic. You’ve supported others through their negative feelings, even if it wasn’t intentional or you didn’t even realise you were doing so. You’ve become quite good at keeping up a brave face over the past year.
Unfortunately, this also means that you haven’t truly acknowledged your own feelings, and this weighs on you. I get a sense that at the core of it, you don’t want to burden others with your problems – like others have it worse than you, so you shouldn’t complain. You may also feel like you can’t be strong if you show what you perceive to be a weakness on your own part. (Even if you wouldn’t think someone else in the same situation is weak!)
I get a strong sense that you want to reach out, but it’s almost like you’re the one tied up and the tools are there to help you break free, but you just can’t quite reach them. I think it’s your fear of letting others down that is stopping you.
My advice is to let go of your preconceptions about strength and acknowledge your feelings. Admit when you’re worried or scared or even angry, and ask someone you trust for help – even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on for a while or a friendly ear. Asking for help when you need it doesn’t mean that you are not a strong person, or that you can’t support others in need.
It is possible to be strong and still seek and receive spiritual nourishment for yourself. The people who love you understand that and would very much like to support you as much as you’ve done for them.